Saturday, August 6, 2016

I'm back..and still awkward

It is 6:30 AM and I am up and motivated to write.
I know I have been on a year hiatus and frankly just have not felt the desire to sit down and vomit my feelings on to the screen.

It truly felt like for the past year all I could write about was sad shit. 

I used to be funny.

I spent a hour looking back through my old posts, and dammit why did I stop?

I want to lie to you and tell you some convoluted story about how busy I was, and I just couldn't find the time to write.

That's a lie.

I've watched like 89 seasons of different shows on Netflix.

Frankly, I just can't. 

Or, well I couldn't. 

Everything I wrote was borderline suicidal.  

Ugh.

I hate that I just put that out there.

I spent a year being depressed and hiding and caring about what you think.

The only thing that was coming out of me was sad shit, and I felt like it was better to just cram down all that raw emotion where no one would read it, or hear it, and no more tears would be shed.

Except..that does not always work.

You end up on your couch crying to your friend about how much easier life would be if you were dead.
You are not serious, like serious serious, but you are half serious. 
The concept is true. 

So, anyways, yeah...I've spent the year thinking about writing...and death..and super sad shit.

In the next couple months I am going to put together 20+ essays (lots of them new and never seen before) in the hopes to motivated me EVEN MORE to write everyday and stop giving a shit about people's opinions.

So this is the part where I smile awkwardly and slowly start walking backwards...towards the door.
To leave.
So thanks for reading I will totally be back.