Saturday, March 29, 2014

We all need to self reflect

Sometimes when you are on large productions... as the absolute bottom of the food the food that the bottom feeders feed sometimes have oodles of time to kill. Like...15 full makeup and costume.
This past week I have had time (15 hours exactly) to self reflect and I have noticed a few things about myself.
1. I am only able to read two books at a time, any more than that causes me to have severe migraines, plus my kindle will only stay charged for four hours. I know this for a fact. Reading the book of the movie you are  on makes you a super loser...reading Fifty Shades for the tenth time also makes you a loser.....but for a completely different reason...mainly when people ask you what you are reading and your filter is at 0% and you being discussing sex scenes with random strangers.

At some point healthy snacks are unacceptable.
Stuffing your costume with granola bars and peppermint crack candy is not only an acceptable way to pass time, but necessary... so that at any given moment while speaking to a person you can pull a snack from your sleeve or calf pocket. I was actually able to pull beef jerky from my sleeve during a particular heated conversation and I really felt it added to moral.

I am an excellent judge of character and I am pretty sure I have met at least three males that for serious have women in the trunk of their cars...and/or wear ladies panties/skin.

I am not judging. Just an observation.

In extreme cases I am able to seep just about anywhere with complete strangers. Bonus points if something is covering my face.

The more tired and bored I am the less I care about what I say. This can cause some issues when you know you are returning for seven days on production.

I do not enjoy peeing when it takes me five minutes to get out of costume, so I will decide I do not need water..which seems a bit extreme...
I do not enjoy feeling this way and will resolve to do better next time.
Except I probably wont.

I hate being without my phone...LOVED being away from Facebook.
Some people are generally really nice and helpful and I can usually tell in about two minutes If I like you or not.
I hated more than I liked.

I am learning so much about myself.

Wednesday, March 26, 2014


Sunday J and I were driving to Starbucks with the babies in the back seat. We had plans of being actual functioning "present" parents and planned a trip to the park.
Except it was raining. We actually drove to the park, showing the children the giant playground, and promptly turned around.
This, of course sent Allie into a fit of hysterics.
Looking back at it, I can see what a douche move that was...but to be fair we were trying to see exactly HOW DANGEROUS the playground would be in the rain.
Anyways I digress, we ended up taking them to Everland, which is essentially an indoor bounce, slide, dress up over priced "world" full of Disney music and bacteria.
The kids freaking loved it.
But this post is not about my kids, on the way to Starbucks, Cold Play's Magic was playing, and I asked J why he never wrote a romantic song for me.
He rolled his eyes, and I silently envied Gwen...and her perfect life.

And then I found out yesterday that they are getting a divorce.

Welp. I guess it wasn't so magical now was it?

Monday, March 24, 2014

Veggie Tales

When I was Allie's age I used to sit on the wooden chair in the kitchen, right underneath the plastic phone that was attached to the wall. My mother would busy herself making dinner and I would talk her ear off about nothing.
I always knew I could find my mother in the that chair was mostly where I hung out, swinging my legs back and forth and again...talking about nothing.

Allie reminds me so much of my mom, she loves flowers, art, painting, the ocean and cooking.
I am learning how to be a better cook...mainly because I am trying to have healthy food in the house. This afternoon Allie and I went to the grocery store after school and we had an impromptu lesson about different vegetables.
I purchased cabbage, garlic, kale, and leeks. I talked about each of them and how good they are for our bodies.
Together, at home, we cut up the veggies and followed a recipe to make "creamy cabbage soup"- Allie refused to eat any of it...but at least she can point out a "leek"....and at least she wanted to hang out on the chair and tell me about her day.

Saturday, March 22, 2014

Title pending....

A lot of time for movie and TV sets you are asked to bring an array of clothing for the costume people to choose from.
Since my very first job was a "fitness trainer" that was the easiest thing ever to do. Since 98% of my closet consists of black Nike stretch pants and an assortment of tops....I had that situation covered.

Now,  I am getting booked for different roles that require me to have actual clothes.
In the beginning I was stressing out about it and shopping and returning clothes (don't judge) I worked retail for five years of my life I KNOW I am not the only one who has done this.
But then I discovered Plato's Closet entire store of cute clothes for under 10$....perfect for my wallet and my need to actually have a wardrobe.
This outfit right here (including the awesome shoes that you can't see) was $23.

Dress 8$ belt 3$

Now I have clothes to bring with me. I am having the hardest time finding pants that fit over my massive quads. Its actually incredibly frustrating. I have built up my legs so much in the gym that hardly ANY pants fit me...or if they fit my legs they are huge around my waist. The only pants that I have been able to get away with are the EXPRESS black stretchy jeans and jeggings that I found at KHOLS.
I am not sure what I am going to do this summer....I am on the look out for SHORTS.....that don't make me look awful....and capri pants.....seriously I would rather shop for a bathing suit all day then have to shop for pants....or wear pants..

Anyways, I am off to work.

Friday, March 21, 2014

Roller coaster.

This morning I woke up in a bad mood. I despise that. Waking up to a two year old slapping my forehead is not an ideal situation. I am pretty sure I screamed.

I am trying to gauge if my mood is a direct reflection of the new meds I am on....something that works with my hormones....the Doctor says its an "anti birth control" which of course caused J's testicles to retreat into his body.
No....its not going to get me pregnant- it just doesn't make my hormones crazy....while evening me out.

I feel a little crazy, I am not going to lie.
I fell into this acting business face first, (feet first would imply that I have my shit together) and I don't.
Most days I am trying to keep my head above water, being grateful and humble and pushing down the "HOLY SHIT" feelings that creep up on a regular bases.

I am not competing anymore....which I have not yet told anyone about. At least anyone that matters....I am struggling to keep food in check and water in check and exercise in check...because I still need to be "fit"...oh and be a wife and a mom...and not backhand my two year old when she smacks me awake in the morning.

This shit is not easy. I have no real idea where the direction of my life is heading. I feel like I hopped on a roller coaster...without thinking....and I am thoroughly enjoying the far..but what's next?

Tuesday, March 11, 2014

Dear Allie,
Today you are Five years old.
I went back and forth about writing this letter, because life never stops moving. Especially with you. I want to capture you in bottle and cork it, stop time for a split second to take it all in. "Mommy, why does the earth need bees?"
"Mommy, why do flowers need sun? Mommy, why are the stars so far away?"
  You are so mature I forget how little you really are.
I look at you and remember the second I found out I was going to be a mom, and every single step in between.
I remember the first time I saw you, and you turned to stare at me at the sound of my voice.
The first time I pressed my face to your forehead and kissed you. The first time I knew what it felt like to love someone unconditionally.
As you are getting older I remember the first time you told me you loved me and meant it. And more recently the first time you told me you were proud of me and my entire life made sense.
Allie, there were times when you were the only reason I got out of bed in the morning, you truly are the light in my life.
Thank you for being you.
My wish for you on your fifth birthday is that you continue to chase every dream. Never settle and keep moving forward. You are destine to do amazing things.

To the moon and back,