Wednesday, December 26, 2012

Catching up...

Ahh Christmas....
1. I am so DELIGHTED that the stupid Elf is packed up and shoved into the back of my closet along with the maternity bras, that are only in my closet for pure nostalgic purposes...about the size of my boobs, not remembering my children as babies. (That is reserved for the 20 newborn onesies with ducks on them that I keep hidden in a bucket in Sophia's room) I hate that stupid Elf. HATE. See also: Every. Single. Overachieving asshole mother out there who went above and beyond to make everyone else look stupid and incapable of creating living art with their damn Elf.

2. I very much want to take down the Christmas tree, like right this second, but not like in a nice way, but like I want to  ripped down all the holiday lights while screaming like a deranged Sasquatch and crunching ornaments with my teeth. 

3. I did not drink any eggnog this year.  This pisses me off.

4. I was the first one awake on Christmas and it thoroughly irritated me- that the ONE day that my kids sleep in, is the day I am wide awake,  patiently waiting for them to open their gifts.
I want to thank Lauren Conrad's book Beauty for showing me how to look especially radiant and put together in the early morning hours. I mean, hot right? Bhahahahhahaha.
No, seriously be my friend.

Maybe one day Lauren...

How about now?

.....I guess not. My kids think everything I do is knee smacking pure hilarity. Well, Sophie does, Allie is clearly not amused.
Also, just to prove what an AWESOME mom I am, I taught Allie all about the Birth of Christ, totally thinking I nailed it, she turns to me and says, "Yeah mom! Christmas is the day Santa came out of Mary's belly!"

Yep.

Monday, December 3, 2012

Being helpful

Before I start this post I feel I must explain that a lot of times, J goes out of his way to "help" me with something when I never asked for it.
Such as: Upgrading my perfectly fine phone. ( OK so maybe I complained once or twice about it, but it worked.)
Three times now, J has diligently sat with my phone, backing up files, restoring text messages saving pictures, etc etc etc.
He finally handed me my phone this morning and explained that it was working "perfectly." I was excited to see that he had restored my background of my tiny munchkin looking up at me.
Later on that morning I proceeded to go for a run listening to the music on my phone. Half way through one of my favorite songs, and very creepy  laugh breaks in. I jump like 20 feet up in the air and have a heart attack. Then THIS picture appears on my back screen. And the laughing continues.
What. the. F.