How about the other day when I almost punched my fist through the wall because I got a Dora the Explorer dirty ass band aid stuck to the bottom of my foot, the tiny child wouldn't stop screeching.....ANDTHEHOUSEISATOTALDISASTEROMFG!!!!!!!! (Insert fire breathing here)
J looked at me....picked up both girls, pushed them in the car, turned around and said: "Get your bitchy ass to the gym."
I am just kidding. He said something super sweet like, "I am going to leave now, try not to hang yourself with your shoe laces."
So anyways- I made myself go to the treadmill and I just started running.
8 miles later...I felt like a freaking hero.
I LOVE MY KIDS AFTER I RUN.
I LOVE EVERYBODY.
So I decided I am going to run everyday...every. single. day. Through Christmas Day....and see how I feel.
Some days far, some days not.
I will not follow a running plan.
Sometimes I will run outside, some days I will run on a treadmill.
No races to train for.
Just gonna run for my sanity.
Friday I went to a Haunted house/13 stories....I am not really sure why I went. I spent a few days trying to get out of it in my head. But since it was with my favorite I knew we would have fun, plus K is 6ft and I planned on shoving myself completely up her ass if necessary.
Turns out it was 100% necessary...this was not...how do I say this...? Ghostly. No Ghosts.
Chainsaws. Yup lots of those, well people actually chasing you with them..in the pitch dark. I am pretty sure that something psychologically broke in my brain during one particular time in the dark- I froze...like a deer. At one point I started having a panic attack...right around the time when we were chased on to an elevator with two creepy men...who just laughed at us screaming.
It was weird, because I kept telling myself that it was not real...but still it kept happening...around every, fucking corner. At one point you just want to be like, "OK! I'm DONE! I Don't WANT TO PLAY ANYMORE!" But instead you put your head down or grip like hell to your friend's arm.
I squeezed her arm so hard I bruised her...
I flinched so many times I physically hurt myself. Also, right before you were suppose to be "done" with the house of horror, a man points to the EXIT sign, right as they simulate a train? Could have been a bus heading right towards you blaring it's horn. The two fools in front of us RAN..like towards it, while K and I legit covered or heads and ducked.
So just so we are all on the same page...my brain actually THOUGHT I was about to get hit by a bus....It's been three days later and I am still not right in the head from this experience.
Every time I go into a room I flinch.
Maybe I am too old for this...but what I realized is I love Halloween....but I do not enjoy being chased by men holding chainsaws...especially not INTO THE PARKING LOT....I mean SERIOUSLY.
When you were a little kid did you ever think your toys came alive in the middle of the night?
I mean, I knew they came alive, which is why I stuffed most of them in my closet before it got dark.
Allie is the same way- only she blames shit on dolls. Like, "Why is Sophie crying?"
-"Oh this doll hit her."
"Where did the rest of the cookies go?"
-"Oh, that silly cookie monster ate all of them."
A couple days ago I threw one of Allie's toys out the window of our moving car.
Not something I am really proud of, only in the sense that I totally won that argument.
With my three year old.
So anyways..last night J and had a rough night with Allie, actually getting her to bed.
She would be tucked in, and then moments later she would be camped out in the hallway. We would scold and move her ....then hear her making a nest of blankets in her friggen closet.
I mean, SERIOUSLY kid.
Add this mess to a teething Sophia, J and I were less than pleased to wake up to a creepy voice singing in our bathroom at 1am. and by J and I, I mean ME, who really was responsible for hypothetically saving his life against the bride of CHUCKY.
Me: "What the F*ck is that?"
Me: "OMFG....that toy is talking to me...plotting my death for killing her friend..."
Noise from bathroom...La lala la la Hi Mommy! Wanna play?! Mommy, I am thirsty!
Me: "F*ck that"
Noise from bathroom....Quiet......HI MOMMY! IS IT PLAY TIME?
Me: "JOSHUA GO MAKE THAT STOP."
I hid under the blankets for a good ten minutes before deciding that I needed to kill yet another toy belonging to my daughter.
I was able to snap a picture before dismembering said doll.
Let this be a lesson to Moms everywhere.
Toys do plot your death in the middle of the night.
I woke up with this icy feeling in the pit of my stomach.
It's like the end of the world is approaching, or something. My mouth is dry, my head is raw, I am not sick, and yet, I feel like something bad is about to happen.