Saturday, February 25, 2012

Month Five

My new running skirt. Loves.
Triathlon is in exactly three months. With the exception of last week, been working out 4x a week, running, spinning and swimming. Training on Wednesday which is a lot of cross training and lifting, plus doing the Ripped in 30 DVD in the mornings before work. It's a lot, but it makes me feel like a million bucks, hell, perhaps even a trillion!
I also have been using "My fitness Pal" on my phone, which tracks and logs your exercise and food consumption. I am still producing breast milk and still pumping roughly every six hours..which seems to be working for me, I usually get about 6 ounces every pumping session.
I am hella nervous about the event but def looking forward to it.

Five months post baby I have dropped 24 pounds (+) the 10 from Sophia I now am back to where I started..weight clothes still don't fit right...but that's alright...everything is an adjustment. 

Friday, February 24, 2012

This is my Life

It's happened.
The unexpected.
My baby, who once would lean far over with her mouth open in order to nurse through my shirt....has now decided that nursing is for babies.
I did not prepare for this.
I never anticipated the feelings that would come along with me no longer nursing her on my break, or was prepared with the waves of relief that washed over random people. Five months? Well you lasted longer than most...she's old know babies get big.....

There is such a stigma attached to older nursing babies, I had no idea that nursing a baby that could pause and smile at me, play with my face, or who didn't exactly  fit cradled on my lap in the rocking chair anymore...would cause such "looks"...such judgement.
It was my plan to stick it out till she was one...and I still plan on pumping for her....I just never planned on her reaching for her bottle and feeding herself...but I guess I should have known.

Babies do get older, I am aware...all I have to do is look at the ginormous one tap dancing around the house in her underwear, announcing that I made her "berry sad" when I was angry.
I feel like I am in this constant tug of war, one is turning 3 next month and thinks she is a grown up, while the other one is watching and plotting and trying desperately to keep up with her sister. I find myself knee deep in laundry, lesson plans, bottles, bibs, birthday invitations, dance classes, swim classes, soccer games.....trying to balance, trying to manage, trying to slow EVERYONE DOWN.

Breathe. Just for one second, lets just all take a deep breath.

Cut to last night. 77 degrees outside. Too hot for jeans. Still not fitting into summer clothes from three years ago. Last summer clothes consist of xxl sundresses and maternity shirts. Too fat, too skinny, too fat too skinny. Its a weird back and forth I do in my closet on a regular bases. Need to wear something, but can't find anything.
I fall into downward dog, on a pile of baby clothes, and tap shoes, breathing, in and out, blocking out the sound of a hysterical Sophia. Tap Tap Tap Tap, Allessandra comes parading into my bedroom...."Momma?! Hurry Up! Let's Go!!! EVERYONE IS WAITING FOR YOU!"


This is my life.

Monday, February 20, 2012

Five Months

Dear Sophia,
Today you are five months old. Can you believe that? Wasn't it just yesterday that your swaddle blanket was too big? Wasn't it just yesterday that I bounced you around the house at all hours of the night, bleary eyed and frantic for sleep., gosh how can I even describe this? You are... magnificent.
You have a Disney Princess know the kind that makes dead flowers undead...Princes fall to one knee..and birds and animals clean shit for you.
You are stunning.
You are so gentle, thoughtful, quiet, intense, and just so damn loveable there is not one person that hasn't tried to slobber you with kisses.
I try not to rush you, I feel in my heart a slight panic at the thought of you getting older and no longer wanting to snuggle or rest your head tucked deep in my neck. You are most likely my last baby, and I feel a twinge in my heart every time you do something new, roll over, reach for me, or even army crawl (like you did for the first time last night)  I want to keep you this little, this happy, this sweet. Every time you burst into a fit of giggles I thank God silently that he gave me such a happy baby. I love you Ms Sophia, please don't grow up too fast.

I love you, to the moon and back.

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

P is for Venus

Valentine's day consisted of 12 two year olds jacked up on pink cupcakes and sugar cookies.

It also had me stuffing chocolate into my face, since it was, well there and gifted to me...and dammit it would be RUDE not to eat it!
I crashed right around lunch time, and proceeded to break out into a nasty rash up my left arm.

J took us out to dinner, where Allie declared very loudly that she learned all about "VENUS" at school, only she said "VENUS" with a P...over and over and over and over and over again.

...The longer you ignore the P "ENUS" declaration...the louder it gets...the louder it gets, the more people pause to stare at us, in between their bites of mashed potatoes...the more people that stare..the more I feel the need to do something bow or something, or break into a Whitney Houston song.

J was not amused.

Especially since he bought me diamonds.

We ate dinner in record time.

Sunday, February 12, 2012

On how I froze my ass off

Winter Beer Fest 2012.

Josh was all, "Lets go to Atlanta on the coldest day of the year, stand outside with a bunch of people and try over 100 beers!"
And I was all, "I don't drink!"
And he was all, "we can hold hands?!"

Except he spent most of his time in the porta I had to keep warm with my we warmed our asses against the fire pit.
Speaking of which...only a man could drop trou in a porta potty in 30 degree weather in order to drink more.

Saturday, February 11, 2012

On how I got some sleep

Where have I been?
In the hell that is called...omfgmychildhasdecidedtogiveupsleepingalltogether.

If you have a child or more than one, or whatever...chances are you know EXACTLY the hell that is not sleeping and then having to get out of bed and work.
Work for me is incredibly taxing on my emotional stability - seeing as tho from sun up to sun down I am keeping my patience in check, smiling, and trying like hell not to scream at the top of my lungs.

Sophia gave up sleep for three straight nights.

Seeing as though I am nursing, I naturally assumed the worst....I am not making enough milk, there is something wrong with me.....I should get up every damn hour like she is a newborn and feed her because OMFG she is CRYING!

But that.....that only makes me a coffee crazed emotional wreck that sobs uncontrollably while nursing in front of strangers.....Yes. Yes that happend.

So I got a book.

On Becoming Baby Wise.  Which had mixed reviews to say the least.

Seeing as though I had previously tried EVERYTHING that I could think of, and one book said the only solution was to bring the baby into bed with me and nurse her on demand for the rest of her life, like until she is four years old and molesting me in my sleep. I knew I needed something drastic.

Like...the dreaded "Let her cry" strategy. Which is  as comfortable to me as wiping my ass with sandpaper.

I was slightly shocked at how much sense the book made.
And lets face it, I was one more night away from hiding in the closet scratching at invisible sores.

First night...she slept 8 hours.
Second night...she slept 9 hours.
With a brief period of crying for like 15 minutes.


So now I am back....fully rested and a believer in the cry it out sucks at first..but it teaches them to sleep....and honestly thats the best thing EVER.

Thursday, February 2, 2012




Wednesday, February 1, 2012

E to the W

Pink eye is really messing with me. I. effing. Hate. PINK EYE. 

I have somehow managed to avoid this round of infection- however my poor little Sophia has succombed to the oozing of the eye juice.
Blah freaking Blah

This afternoon I made a trip to Walmart where Allie announced to everyone that would listen, that her "Soupeea" had a "yucky eye, don't touch her! You don't want to be gross!"  Which is adorable except for when the stranger would glance at the child strapped to my chest. You know, the child who's eye is seeping puss?

 Then it became less cute, and people started walking further and further away, I am almost certain an old lady gave an approving smile at me when I dropped a container of bleach into my cart.

So that's it really, laundry, bleach, Kaboom! Mr clean wipes, bleach, bleach and more bleach.
Not to mention the four showers I have already taken today or the fact that I skipped out on my 15 mile bike ride last night cause my left eye was feeling a little twitchy: One cannot ride 15 miles when one might have eye HIV.

But if there is not the bike riding then there is the swimming that I need to accomplish, and the running and the meeting with the trainer and then there is the dinner that needs to get made, the cake balls that still need to be frosted, the portfolio for my CDA that will not finish itself....and lets not forget the pillow that really really misses my head.

...and this little girl who needs lots of snuggles and kisses....cause who is gonna give them to her with her FREAKING EYE LIKE THAT?!