Friday, December 30, 2011

"Allie, what are you Doing?"

"Oh I just changing my baby."


Is school vacation over yet?

Thursday, December 29, 2011

This bouncer is totally 100% over priced

...But it's totally worth every penny...

Wednesday, December 28, 2011


I have literally been cleaning since Christmas.

Its a royal pain in my ass. But this year I am hell bent on keeping one measly resolution, which is TO KEEP MY FRIGGEN HOUSE CLEAN AND ORGANIZED.

Since I am now a real live home owner (*brushes off shoulder* thank you very much!) I (we) need to do a better job at keeping this home functioning- and not meeting the standards of a TLC special.


Meanwhile I have been putting pictures up randomly. Which is most certainly going to piss J right the hell off, but let me just say this,  If it takes you a year to do something that I asked you to do, I will take matters into my own hands in the form of a hammer and nails....

=crooked pictures EVERYWHERE.

2012 is gonna be fantastic, why? Cause I am not going to be pregnant and my ass is doing a triathlon in four months!

....Oh you want to do it with me?


Just one more thing


Sunday, December 25, 2011

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Tis a far better thing to Give

For the past 21 days I have had it in my mind that I was going to do something all Christmas like and teach my child about giving. 
You know, doing things for others, giving is better than receiving....blabitty blah blah.

I have attempted to A. make cookies to give to the neighbors/teachers/mail person.....
Except the sugar cookies kept sticking to the counter and the rolling pin to the point where I mushed it all together, and made one huge ass burnt sugar cookie.
Still hell bent on making the damn cookies, I purchased sugar cookie dough.
Managed to make six cookies, then decided that cookies suck, and dumped the rest of the batter in the garbage disposal.

Out of the six cookies, I made Allessandra give one of them to the man who runs the coffee shop that we go to every weekend.
Except she cried, so he gave her a cupcake.
W. t. f.

So much for "giving is better"

So then, I decided that we should gather some toys/clothes to give to the needy. Except Allessandra suddenly decided that every single toy that she ever had in her entire life should be hers for forever and ever, in fact, I would not be surprised if she decides to get married in her pink ratty tutu and newborn pink wool tights.
The process of boxing up "old toys" was so traumatic to her, that I seriously kicked the box over and walked away.
She proceeded to pile up her stuff animals and roll around in them.

I wanted to give blood- but then decided that keeping my boob juice is stock is far more important.
Wanted to donate to Locks for Love....but my damn hair is so damaged and color treated that I doubt that anyone would want it, unless they were looking to make a rat's nest.

Did in fact give to St. Jude children hospital...(a dollar)
Did put my grocery cart back in the spot where it belongs
Did give out holiday cards
Did participate in Secret Santa and totally didn't phone it in but did creative cute gifts
Really tried to be pleasant and sweet to people and managed to do something fun with Allessandra every day.
Made a Gingerbread house with Allie, and let her lick the frosting from the beaters.....

So even if all the things I wanted to do this December was a waste at least I did a few of them.
And Allie will learn about giving at some point.....right?

Monday, December 19, 2011

3 Months

Dear Sophia,
Today you are three months old.

Thank God that we have made it this far. I have prayed for three months to get here fast, faster than fast.
And here we are.
But now, I want the time to slow down, keep you this smiling goofy goober.
This month you slept all night in your own room, which made me only slightly crazy. I think I checked on you twenty times the first night, pacing the floors, hoping that you were warm enough, cozy enough, safe...and to my total surprise you didn't even make a peep, but snuggled down in your blue mesh recliner.
This month you turned into a total baby, no longer a floppy screeching newborn. You follow all of us with your beautiful eyes, especially your sister, who you can't seem to take your eyes off for a moment. You prefer to be around all of us, and stick your bottom lip out if we walk away from you for a minute. I know you are a total people person, you flourish in activity and sleep best in noise.
I can't even put into words how much I just adore you Sophia, the first three months sure were challenging but I hope that someday when you are walking around your little baby burrito with tuffs of hair  sticking out all over the place, trying to ease her screams, bouncing like an idiot - and shhhh ing into her ear, I hope you think, my mom did this for me, my mom loved me this much. 
Because when I pick you up and you bury your tiny face into my neck, while gripping my shirt with your tiny fists, everything is forgotten. The pain, the sleepless nights, the headaches, the crying...everything is lost in those precious moments when you lay your head on my chest and sigh.

 I love you Sophia.


Friday, December 16, 2011


Last night Allessandra had her school concert where she dressed up like a reindeer and "sang" . AKA she stared at me, mouthed the words, and reprimanded the boy next to her for singing too loudly.

Last night J tucked her into bed, as he climbed into bed next to me he says, "She is pretty awesome."

I think so too.

Thursday, December 15, 2011

Not for (mothers, mine especially) and for children...

I got to go out to dinner last week- which proved to be the WORST IDEA EVER...since I ended up with a whopping case of food poison.
Like, legit evacuation of fluids at the same time...all night. (While dealing with my overacting boobs, which decided that they needed to claim any and all fluids remaining in my body) I am surprised I even had tears to shed.

Anyways the girls I was with decided to bring me to the one and only "Adult store" in the area. I am certainly by no means a prude, but just so we are on the same page, I don't own a ball gag, or a sex swing. Almost ten years into this relationship J and I are far too lazy to do anything involves real work. Besides, lets be honest here, every time we start having a great love life we end up with a friggen baby.
But I digress.

My friends, knowing that I just had a baby and am on some super awesome drugs for PPD..which makes me feel as sexual as a bag of woodchips, directed me to the wall display of the "toys" that looked rather like Alf's ding dong.
Long story short I purchased said toy, threw it in a bag and proceeded to toss it under the bed....(that's where you are suppose to keep those things right?)

 Let me just say should NOT keep those things anywhere but in a box with fifty locks.

 I finally had a play date, which almost never happens. The girls were playing so nicely in Allie's room. The Princess castle was up, and they were stuffing their dolls up their shirts pretending to have was priceless.
I had cookies in the oven, a baby on my boob, and Dexter on the TV...
I was even smiling listening to the shrills of delight streaming down the hallway.
I peeked in at them playing what I could only imagine was some sort of.....wait, WTF, are they playing... sword fighting? Well...I guess it could be worse....


A pink rubber ding dong practically smacks me in the face.

 I screamed out something, pretty sure it was a mix of seventeen garbled cuss words, whipped the thing out of her grasp, and totally would have thrown it out the window if I could have.

Naturally I distracted the duo with cupcakes and wiped my hands clean of the whole "issue".

That was until dinner that night.

"Daddy, can I play with Mommy's shaky pirate sword please?"

Yes, I am taking donations for her therapy...

and mine.

Thursday, December 8, 2011

A Mess

Sometimes I stare at my ceiling in the middle of the night and construct blog posts in my head.
Its really pathetic.
Mainly because half of the shit I come up with in the middle of the night is far more interesting then what I come up with when I have time.
The worst part is everyone is asleep. Everyone, including the baby...who has moved out of the bathroom and into her own crib, in her own room.

You read that right. The bathroom. Did I forget to mention that to ya'll. Sophia has slept in our master bathroom for 10 her bouncer.
You know, the fan. The FAN PEOPLE, THE WHITE NOISE! She LOVES IT.

But now we graduated to a wedge type device placed in her crib- no bouncing no vibrating....pure silence.
And its driving me bat shit insane.
Maybe because I begged to have my medicine cut in half.
Its a trade off.....feel like a person, a person with anxiety, a person who screams into her pillow, a person who feels surges of love.....versus the exact opposite.
Although...I guess I used to sleep, hoard sleep like some crazed looney.
And now I write blog posts in my head at 2am.
Now I pace outside her door...just listening.
This is  how people go quietly insane.

Be careful what you don't want them calling you and emailing you again, questioning your sanity, asking if you are alright.

But what else is there to write?
Half off my medicine I still have anxiety attacks, I scream at my kid, I cry at appropriate parts in movies, I feel anger  and love, its a crazy tangled mess of a personality.
I am a mess, but I guess I would rather be a half medicated mess, than nothing at all.

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

The things my kid says

Allie: MOMMY do you wanna hear a JOKE?!

Me: Uh...sure.

Allie: YOUR BUTT IS STINKY! (insert hysterical toddler laughter)

>>>> <<<<<<<

Me: Allie we cannot wear our bathing suit to school.
Allie: But SOPEEA wear HER Bathing SOUP to school!
Me: No Allie that is a onesie
Allie: SILLY MOMMY, You don't even KNOW what a bathing soup IS!

Friday, December 2, 2011

Tis the season

Elf on a Shelf has made it's debut in our house. Silly elf does all sorts of crazy things, like read to Allie's babies, hang from the fan, swing on the chandler and stare back at you like he might come alive and stab you in your sleep.
He is totally creeptastic. Which is why I love it. Clearly.

While not remotely phased by the creepy elf, she is in fact TERRIFIED of the abominable much that when she saw this picture she shrieked and burst into tears.

..."The monster gonna eat my sister so PEE A!"

Daddy would never let that happen!
Although......she does look pretty scrumptious