Friday, September 30, 2011

Thursday, September 29, 2011

Bring on the weight loss

Ok I don't know about you, but as soon as that baby was out of my body, I felt like a freaking Victoria Secret model.

Yeah that is an almost 9 pound baby being extracted from my stomach.

Can I get a "OMG OW!"
Although I guess this picture is automatically cool since that baby's head is not being, um, extracted from my vag.
And NO J did not take this picture, in fact I am pretty sure he told the Nurse that if he stood up to "watch" he would throw up on her.


Upon my arrival home I stood on the scale to see just how much I lost....and that would be 9 GD pounds, which was ahem the baby.

1 week later, and a WW membership reinstated I have lost 18 pounds.

I still have a bunch more to go- but I am making progress- my head is in the right place, I am eating filling nutrition rich foods to sustain my milk supply, and also practicing some simple core exercises....such as pulling in my stomach and you know, getting off the couch.

I am resting when Sophia is resting (with the exception of this post) and making myself shower and nap when J gets home from work.
It is amazing how wonderful I feel this time around. I can't say it enough, I feel so serene and in love with this child.
She screams at me and instead of feeling like I am a failure, or starting to panic - I figure out what is wrong, I keep trying different things till something works. (I guess I have my first born to thank for that)

I really think things are going to be different this time around.

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

1 week old

This is a picture of my birth mom (where the Kathleen comes from in Sophia's name) and there is we see where she gets that dark hair from.

Tuesday, September 27, 2011


Yes. I am breastfeeding, but let me be clear here, if Allie did not get to feed her baby sister... I am certain she was going to set the house on fire.

After she was finished, she said, "Ok I go eat breakfast now, I love you Sophia."

And then I melted right there into the carpet in a mushy loving ooze.

Sunday, September 25, 2011

Real quick

I keep wanting to write this long post about, you know having a second child, but as it turns out- having a second child is a shit ton of work.

Having a repeat c section is a shit ton of work.

Having two children with 22 staples in my body, after pains and scabby nips (yes you are welcome for that visual) well, is a shit ton of work.

But you guys, I am so incredibly in love with this baby- not only because she looks like me this time, or that we share a birthday, but she is amazing.

I was nursing Sophia on the bed when Allie crawled onto the bed and sat cross legged in front of me, she scooted forward and gently cupped her hand around her sister's head.
My eyes immediately filled with tears -partially from the insane amount of hormones crashing throughout my body, but mostly because I never realized that I could love this much.
Having Sophia makes me love Allie even more, if that is even possible.
Allie has been incredible- she has made the transition of having a newborn easy.
She gives kisses, retrieves diapers, and puts useless objects into Sophia's crib, things she really needs, like a wooden spoon, baby lotion and puzzle pieces. 

My two beautiful girls.

Saturday, September 24, 2011

Thursday, September 22, 2011

....Birthday present

Sophia Kathleen
Born September 20th at 12:48 PM
8 pounds 13 ounces
21 inches

Everyone is adjusting everyone is in love

Monday, September 19, 2011

Its (not) my Birthday!

Check out my Birthday cake~!

Spice cake with cream cheese frosting...

This picture makes me laugh...right there in my belly is my Birthday present.

Can't wait!

Saturday, September 17, 2011

A few things

I want a beer.

Pumpkin beer specifically. Or hard cider. Or really anything with alcohol- at this point I am in no position to be picky.

I want to wear pants that zip.

I want to be able to see my feet and to not topple over when I am squatting to help Allessandra button her pants.

I'd like to be able to shave my legs- without ripping the flesh from calf.

Shaving while blind is never a good time.

I'd like to be able to eat a meal without fire shooting into my nostrils.

See also: feeling like any amount of food was "too much" thus feeling like I might explode at any given second.

I would love it if people would stop TOUCHING me. I have NEVER, EVER experienced the type of southern molestation that one experiences 9 months pregnant down here.

I'd like to not be constantly aware that if I tilt my head in a certain direction I have a second chin, which sort of makes me keep my nose in the air and  feel all fidgety.

But most of all, I just want a drink.

Thursday, September 15, 2011

An Email to my Husband on our Anniversary

 Good morning J, AKA "The love of my life"

Now we have been married for four years and together for eight, and last night I am sure truly sums up how "in love" we are with one another.
Me being nine months pregnant, I have a hard time even laying down without searing pain, let alone trying to sleep in the oven that is our bedroom, and lets not even MENTION the fact that since you need to have the TV on in order to fall asleep- it is an even added distraction and now all I need to do is wait to hear your first snore which happens about five minutes after nine o'clock so I can waddle to the bathroom and then turn off the TV.
Well last night you decided to roll as close to me as possible and throw BOTH your arms over my head. Me thinking that you are clearly just trying to fuck with me, I daintily pluck your arms off my forehead for "fear" of "bending your arm the wrong way" You, not only throw both your arms back onto my face, but begin to snore directly IN TO MY EAR. 
Since I still think that you are just being a douche, I kick you in the shin, twice.
You do not wake up. Like at all. But stretch your arms out even further ..on my head.

I finally slide out of bed and PUSH you as hard as I can to your side of the bed- where you finally wake up, look at me, and call me a "fucking bitch."

Happy Anniversary babe.

Re: Metamorphosis of love
J to C
I did not say that.

Re: Metamorphosis of love
C to J

why would I make that up? I composed that email at 2am.

Re: Metamorphosis of love
J to C

I am sorry baby. I love you.

Wednesday, September 14, 2011


Today would have been my brother's 30th birthday.

Which puts us into that "four year mark" J and I will be married four years tomorrow, and my Dad and brother will have been dead gone for four years in April.

For some reason that seems unreal to me, like what has been going on for FOUR years? How did all this time pass?

I mean, I know how time passes and what not, I am not an asshole- but I am still here, and almost everything in my life has changed, and they are still gone.

This morning I woke up dreading today, for some reason my brother's birthday bothers me the most, because it was the one thing that we shared. We were exactly two years and six days apart- growing up those six days were pretty meaningful - and in some sort of warped reality we always "forgot" those two years and pretended that we were six days apart.

There is this song by Linkin Park that I know he would have loved, a song that makes me crumble into tears whenever I hear it- a song that started to play on my clock radio this morning, for no rhyme or reason- the alarm was not set, and I doubt very much that I pressed anything in my sleep.

I took it as a sign.

Monday, September 12, 2011

Dragging my feet

I have hit a wall.

All you runners out there, you know when you are feeling really good, your legs feel all sorts of powerful, your muscles are ripped, you just threw back your second GU of the run, and you have not had one hint of a stomach  cramp- that is until you have reached the last mile of the race; your legs turned to blocks, your lungs heave and you think that maybe crawling would be easier.

I am there.

I am a blubbering train wreck of emotions.

I can't look at one more thing baby related-  I feel chunks in the back of my throat when I see maternity magazines, or hear that someone is six weeks pregnant.  SIX WEEKS?! HAVE FUN BITCH!
That is what I want to shout at a volume appropriate for a 90 year old geriatric sans hearing aids.

I feel mean and depressed, like I can't even get it up for ice cream sandwiches, or celebrate that I may NEVER see Kate Goslin on TV again.

I have filled a dresser with little pink sleepers, opened packages of diapers, and made mental notes of what I still need.
But what is weighing on me like a shit ton of bricks is: this is the last week with just Allie and me.
Selfish? Cold hearted? Baby hater? I feel all of it.
I feel like I am choking to death on guilt.

I bought Allie her Halloween costume today at a second hand store, a sparkly pink princess gown, with matching princess heels, and a matching crown- I was also planning on getting something for Sophia- but  couldn't.
For me not to have any desire to buy a Halloween costume, especially one that is tiny with any type of ears on it......well that is a huge red flag to me.

I feel like I am dragging my feet- don't get me wrong I CERTAINLY want this baby out of my body, because honestly I am getting tired of not fitting into restaurant booths.

Does that look comfortable?
Its not.

I just don't know how everything falls into place, but I know it does.

Ready or not.

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Yes I am still here...

I woke up this morning craving Apple juice.

To the point where I was dreaming about getting out of bed and pouring a tall glass, filled to the brim with ice cubes.

I think the ice cubes makes sense since the past two days I have been sleeping in a long sleeved shirt, under three blankets......holy shit balls batman its been like 62 degrees at night!

I am pretty sure God graced me with awesome weather these last two 1 week and six days. The high has been something crazy like 72.

Did you know that at 72 it could actually snow in Georgia?

Everyone down south knows that, its science.

So anyways, I am officially on maternity leave, I have been so busy this week doing random ass things, (like anything OTHER than putting baby clothes away and doing laundry or cooking meals that I can eat after baby) I am talking, dropping Allie off at school, going to the gym, then doing a bigillion errands, meeting people for lunch or breakfast or coffee......I really am procrastinating...for example: instead of doing the fifty things I needed to do around the house yesterday, I boxed up ALL my winter maternity clothes and sold them to a store for store credit- which then allowed me to buy Allie a shit ton of fall/winter a *sob* 4t.

WTF 4t?
When did she start having longer legs than me?

Then for some odd reason I was filled with guilt that I have yet to buy something for Sophia- so I dragged a friend of mine to the Carters outlet and purchased the most adorable little layette that says Little Sister on it.

And then since I was also holding the first Pumpkin Spiced latte of the fall season in my hand, I got the girls matching Christmas pajamas.

Oh yes I did.

Red sparkly bitty size and tiny midget size....could be the most adorable purchase EVER.

So anyways in these last 13 days, as I count down to my 28th birthday the baby's arrival I have reached the point where I can no longer call anyone casually during the day- because I either hear a: "OH GOD DID YOU WATER BREAK?!" Or just sheer disappointment.

No one wants to hear from me unless I have good news to tell them.

So there is the update- I will post some pics of the clothes later, probably instead of doing laundry.

But while you are waiting:
That belly is a beast, I probably could have knocked J clear off the deck with that thing.