Tuesday, August 31, 2010


Look here people, I usually would have some sort of hilarious story to tell, or even have the ability to drop some quirkiness into the mix, but I can't right now.

Because I am about to strip down naked and streak down the street in sheer glory.

Josh has a job.

A real job.

That, like, people are gonna pay him for.

With money.

Life is good.

Work in progress

Feeling much better this morning.
Even went to the gym at 4am.

Worked out until 5am, came home, showered, napped till 6, ate, made coffee, read some blogs, and now about to head to work.

I think its funny that when I am feeling awful, I always want to bail out on the gym, when in reality its working out that makes me feel strong again.

Picture of my boo, and her own personal bench in the front yard.

Monday, August 30, 2010


It's not normal to be this tired.

Like, thinking the sidewalk would be a perfect  place to catch a quick cat nap.

I could, for real, pass out on the ground right now, and be perfectly content.

This was a stage of pregnancy that I hated with a fiery passion.

Yet, I am not pregnant, and besides banging out 10 miles on Saturday, I have no real excuse for my sluggishness.

Except for my emotional spirit.

Cause that sucks.

Whenever my life starts to move forward with any sort of momentum, or good things start appearing shiny and gold on my plate, something shifts, and I end up sobbing uncontrollably into my pillow.

The deaths of my brother and Dad creep up on me, at the oddest times, and leave me ..
With no reason or logic, as to why....two years later I am still thrown so completely, by a simple smell, or picture, or memory.

And there is no cure.

No amount of sleep will take it away, no amount of washing or scrubbing will remove the stains.
Its permanent.

Sunday, August 29, 2010

                 I don't feel like death today.
Just my quads are sore.
Which is terrific, since last night I felt like a hot mess.
I am wondering why I have gained two pounds, since I have been following WW and ran about 25 miles last week.

This morning, after stepping off the scale,I was half a second away from breaking the Wii fit over my knee and chucking it at the plasma.

F U Wii fit, and your happiness about a "normal" BMI, that still went way up, when I am working my ASS off.
What gives universe, what ELSE do I have to do?
I am not trying to lose weight, but Jeeesh, I am not in the market to GAIN weight while marathon training.
Current mood: Incredibly  Irritated.

Saturday, August 28, 2010

Workout- 10 mile run 2 hours and some change

On my way to the gym!
This is what happens when you are still running while taking a picture...First 4 miles 50 min
Second 4 miles...53 min ....
Then I ran a pretty easy 2 miles, and I DID have a picture of it, but by the time I was taking the picture, my phone, that had been providing me with "Taylor Swift Pandora radio" for two hours was d e a d. 
So, you will have to trust me, I did 10 miles.
And my legs are very, very, sore.
 After my run, I raced to CVS and purchased a Clif bar and a Powerade. To say I was famished, is a gross understatement. Next long run, I will eat better before hand.

In other news I signed up for a "Run to remember 5k" September 11th, I am actually going to run for speed for the first time ever in my running career.
I also bought a bunch of cute running clothes today, including two A bras. 
In the tween section.
Which, I am doing my very best to not be depressed about. At least my DDs are not resting on my enormous stomach...and I am not 60 pounds heavier with a baby....so there is that...

Thursday, August 26, 2010

If only my boobs were fat

You know when you hike up your shirt, tuck in your belly and turn sideways in the mirror, and judge yourself? You know how when you do that in front of your husband, patting your belly, and squeezing chunks of skin, and  how usually your husband wraps his arms around you and tells you that you are crazy for thinking that you need to lose an ounce of fat?

Well, you apparently don't know my husband. Who doesn't even bother to look up from his cell phone, as I begin to whine.

"Baby, do I.."

"You didn't even let me finish."
"I was going to ask you if you loved me."
"No you weren't, stop pinching your skin."
"But, what about my legs do they look..."
"I am not listening."
I grab a handful of sweaty clothes and stuff them into the hamper, "Can you hand me my bra?"
Without glancing up, he reaches for the black contraption wrapped around his foot.
Suddenly he looks up, holds the bra horizontally, as if he is going to strap it around his face.
"Isn't this too big for you?"
"What? No. Yes. Shut up."
"Do you need more bras, cause like, this is waaaaay too big for you."
Trying to snatch bra from his death grip. "That bra is the only boobs I have, leave them alone."

" I could fit my HEAD into this, when did you EVER wear this? Did you have to stuff  this with tissue paper to get it to stay on? Gees, aren't you like an A? What is this...a D! Holy shit, baby you need to throw this stuff away."


Sunday, August 22, 2010

Workout- 3 miles on the treadmill, 40 min. Totally skipped yoga this morning, due to pure laziness and the fact that my voice sounded as if I smoked 7 packs of cigarettes the night before. Totally didn't, by the way....ate a bean burrito, watched Nip/Tuck and passed out.

Been sleeping like total shit lately. Kind of hanging in that limbo of, I am sleeping but I am not really sleeping cause I am still aware of everything, like how the TV is still on and how I am going to kill Josh for keeping the TV on-I should really get up and pee-I should really turn off the TV is my phone blinking, what time is it......

This goes on and on and on and on and on-and its particularly annoying since the more I want to sleep the more I can't sleep.

 Allie decided to give up on sleeping through the night, and instead she screamed and whined at the top of her lungs and whipped blocks at her door.
Its was super special.
Especially when the dogs chimed in right along with her.

 At 1am.

It was enough to want to get into ones car and drive far far away.

Or shove ear plugs into my head and spoon a bottle of NyQuil.
I didn't end up doing any of those, but instead laid in bed staring at the ceiling, kicking Josh with the heel of my foot, cause, like, if I am awake, you're awake...   rules of the bedroom.

Just ask him about when I was up breast feeding at night. How many times did I "accidentally" punch him in the face?

To my peeps


If you don't see your blog in my blog list, I did not intentionally, vindictively  delete you.
I lost you.

By accident.

Please leave me a comment.

Or email me.

I miss you.

Saturday, August 21, 2010

I know the time is pretty lame.. I ran the first two miles pretty fast, but then averaged out at running 13 min miles. I was running with a friend who has never run beyond a mile, so I walked some with her. The run felt really, really good. Probably could have done 5 more, but called it a morning cause I was starving.

 So off to the mall to hit up Old Navy-cause umm, 8.00$ for a cute little hoodie for my little munchkin? SCORE.  Then I made Josh stop to grab a non-fat frozen yogurt.
I got chocolate almond. Nothing like eating chocolate at 10:30am! Woop woop!
All in all a very successful, awesome Saturday morning!

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Workout Ran 1 mile,(warm up) Leg lifts, quads, thighs, inner and outer, triceps, abs, front back and side. Workout total 50min. @4am.

I know.

Don't be jealous.

Cause yesterday, I caught Allessandra painting with dog shit.

As in, Hi mom, I am using your 30$ makeup brushes from Sephora, that you bought back when you didnt have a baby and had time and money to throw around on things like 30$ MAKEUP BRUSHES. IT MAKES A WONDERFUL PAINT BRUSH FOR POOP! 
Weeeeeeeeeee...smear poop on face, hands, and rub in strands of hair.

Let me just say, this happened after I got home, so yesterday, just to sum things up: I was thrown up on, peed on, and had to clean poop off my daughter's MOUTH, HANDS, and HAIR.

Yeah, I had a glass of wine last night, and skipped the gym.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Bed Time

This is what happens when Daddy is in charge of the bedtime routine... and the bubbles.....to be fair, Allie put herself into the dog kennel.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010


I hate it when my butt sweats.
And it happens now even when I am inside. 
The weather channel doesn't even give accurate predictions anymore. There is just rustling of papers, and hands wringing.
Weather.com simply says: Humid. Like, ass sweat humid, like my shorts are so far up my bottom that I feel like I need to pay someone...or accept money for putting on a free show.

By that I mean, picking my shorts out of my body in a little jolly wiggle dance.

Josh just dropped a glass and it shattered in a million pieces and all I  hear is a little voice declare: "Ohhhhh Sh i t!"

Glad to know that's the two words she can string together.

In other news, after my 10 mile run on Saturday, my 90 min yoga class on Sunday, my 60 min zumba class on Monday, and my 4:15AM run/weights this morning, I am officially without a doubt, exhausted. 
Fridays are looking to be my only days off, and Tuesday Thursdays are my 4am days, not too bad...but yeah, I am pretty tired come 8pm, much to Josh's disappointment  when I fall asleep on the floor in the hallway, in a puddle of my own drool.

And he was all, "Can't we cuddle...?"

Saturday, August 14, 2010

I just kicked a 10 mile run's ass.
Totally feeling like I could run 16 more.
Or curl up on the ground in the fetal position while Josh feeds me wads of pasta.

Ran the slowest 10 miles ever....however...I had my first encounter with GU and I am incredibly, utterly, delighted.  I was not too sure about trying this silver packet of "GU" since anything foreign going into my body while running, will most likely be making a swift and prompt exit in the form of extreme stomach cramps and curse words.
Around mile 4 I decided to give it a shot, since I was shooting for five miles-and if I ended up defeated with cramps, then at least I ran the distance I set out to do.
Well.....it was like a shot gun fired under my ass.

I was rejuvenated, like I just slept 8 more hours and had a leg rub down by Edward and Jacob, except Edward wiped off his white paste like makeup, and ate a sandwich. And Jacob, well Jacob was just naked. Mmmm Jacob.
Anyways, long story short.
I ran 6 more miles.
Feeling wonderful.
And hungry.

Friday, August 13, 2010

My Day

I am willing to bet that your day at work did not consist of witnessing a small child stick his wee into another child's ear.

End scene.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

You can think of your own title to this post, while I cry in the corner eating my hair

I am not a wuss about spiders.

I actually don't mind them.

Except for when they bite the shit out of my finger.

My middle finger to be exact.

Which means I should flip off more people.

I got bit while I was playing "exterminator" to a bunch of watchful eyes and casually stuck my hand up the crack of a tree house, (where a hand does not belong, especially not in the dead of summer in Georgia.)

The death spider took a chunk out of my finger, while I flapped like an asshole and screamed.

 Please use your imagination of the type of curse words that I would have liked to slew together into one big jumbled mess.

which I said as soon as I was alone in the bathroom with the fan on.

My finger is swollen, and does not bend...and I am pretty sure I am going to die.

I asked rather casually if the type of spider that bit me was going to make me sprout radioactive beams, or

shoot a white semen like substance from my finger nails.

Since I have always wanted to jump and swing from tall buildings and fight crime.

The answer was "No, but, it looks like maybe it laid eggs in there."

 And then I almost shattered my face on the pavement.

Turns out its only poison.


My kind of therapy

Goooood Morning!
OK so big news. I finally joined a gym. I know. I KNOW. I can't run in the heat anymore. Its that simple.
So....I have been getting up at 4am, falling into my car, and driving the two miles to Gold's Gym.
They have yoga classes on Sunday...I am super excited.
Besides Josh's car not starting cause I am an idiot not being in "park" causing me to think that the car was dying-thus making me think the only solution was for me to lock the car and RUN HOME...let me say that again, the car was not in park all the way, but I thought that the battery was dead, thus making me RUN HOME.. after I had already logged four miles on the treadmill....my morning routine has been pretty decent.
I have been able to bang out 5 or 6 miles in the cool comfort of AC which is amazing, I am meeting with a personal trainer on Saturday, and going to try spinning and start taking regular yoga classes again.
This is going to do wonders for my stress level.

Sunday, August 8, 2010

Sleep Training

Conversation went something like this last night.
Me-"Am I a bad mom for taking her crib away, is she really really ready to sleep in a bed?"
Answer- "She'll be finnne, you don't want her getting concussions from falling from her crib, do you?"
Me-"No, No I don't. Wait, do you hear that? Is she out of her crib? Was that a block being thrown at the door? Should I go check?"
Answer- "Leave her alone."
Me- "But what if she is smearing Vaseline all over the walls?"
Answer-"Leave her alone."
Tapping foot impatiently. Shift, shift, gulp back ice water, pick up magazine, put down magazine.
Me-"Its quiet now....I am just gonna go check."
Race down the hallway, peek into darkness....bed is empty. Shit.  Drop to all fours and creep slowly watching for movement.
 Oh I see something...awesome she is asleep.
Under her bed.
My baby. Asleep. Under her bed.

Friday, August 6, 2010

In Case you were wondering...

I have actually been running. Except I get out there wanting to do a good five miles or more and end up in the fetal position on the concrete frying to death.
The phrase that keeps sliding into my vocabulary. "Its too hot." Has a lot to do with my lack of enthusiasm towards out door running...as of right this second.

Its too hot to eat, to sleep, to walk, to go outside, to get in the car, to go to Target, to go to work..ect ect ect.
And frankly, even at this point, its too hot to run...at anytime during the day.
I keep trying though.
I managed to get through a very difficult ONE mile the other day, sweat just seeping, and dripping down my face.
It was fantastic, as I am sure you can imagine.
I know its annoying to hear about how hot it is, even if by hot, I mean 110, you get it, I KNOW its called "Hotlanta" for a reason....but seriously, I basically got a third degree burn by touching my steering wheel yesterday. I am not used to living in these types of conditions.
In other news, I am absolutely exhausted beyond reason, the heat, my job, and Allie all are sucking the life from my bones. I straight up fell asleep before Allie last night. Like in and out of my slumber I could still hear her blabbing away. I reasoned that if she climbed out of her crib, she would figure out that sleeping on the carpet is not nearly as comfortable.
Or her father would hear her when he got home from work, in which case I would be off the hook. YEY! Three cheers for being a lazy parent!
Needless to say, we are turning her crib into a toddler bed this weekend. With rails, and or a lock and key.
I am so friggen happy today is Friday.

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Yet another phase

Allie has decided that she would rather not stay in her crib at night.
This poses a problem, since her crib is her cage and I need her to stay in it, so we both get some rest.
She disagrees.
Twice now, she has some how managed to get out of her crib, (with her blanket) push open her bedroom door and toddle her way in the direction of her precious Grandfather.
At 10PM.

I am not a fan of this stage. I am also not a fan of her pretending like she can't get out of her crib, while we all stared at her expectantly. Like, seriously child, WE KNOW YOU CAN GET OUT-NOW SHOW US HOW YOU DO IT!
Its so time for a big girl bed.
And a way to lock her in.

I am totally not ashamed to admit that I miss my little co sleeping newborn, just a tiny bit today.

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

I am alive

Don't worry.
It just seems that recently my stupid life has been getting in the way of my computer time. (Work, husband, Allessandra, running, eating, Bones,) Side note: OMG BONES, season 1-4 on Netflix, aaaaaand there goes my weekends. Although I keep expecting David Boreanaz to bang Bones and then treat her like a whore the next day. (Get it...Buffy, season 2) What? Am I the only one that is obsessed with Buffy?

Anyways, weekend was pretty decent. We went to the Farmer's market, which is unlike the Farmer's market in your area, I am betting, since these farmers didn't seem to have any teeth.  So like, I got coffee, and bread,  and some gelato (that made my stomach hate me for the rest of the day.) Stupid, stupid dairy.
Allie riding to the Farmer's market Britney Spear's style.
 little Italian couple 

Sunday we made a trip to Agusta, which is a three hour drive through NOTHING, seriously, we could have been driving through Kansas for all I knew. Anyways we met up with a really good friend from MA, and did very touristy things, like visit a planatation...like, with slaves quarters. 
That bitch fit two families, and lets just say, it didn't come equipped with AC
Here we are, just sitting on our plantation, Josh left his shot gun in the house.
This was the type of stuff hanging in the museum, really interesting, and incredibly sad.

But there was also James Brown....One of my Dad's favorite, actually it could have been his favorite since I grew up with a picture of James Brown on our Family photo wall. 
So like, James Brown is like my Uncle or something...

All in all, pretty good weekend.