Friday, February 27, 2009

Dont be Jealous of my Sexiness..

Really, cause I am full of the "hotness" these days. I had my first glimpse of life as a mother this morning, not so much as I have a child therefor I am a mother, but it was the first time I felt as if my priorities have shifted.

I need to set this up in order for you to truly understand: Before pregnancy I had about two years of really truly LOVING my body, I took pride in it, hell I could even say "Yes, yes You, You are sexy..wink wink" - I ran roughly 25 miles a week, and punched my yoga card regularly. I felt good about myself. The best thing about feeling sexy and really believing that you look sexy, is dressing yourself in the most uncomfortable contraptions that Victoria Secret is advertising.
I admit it, I bought three panties (pieces of string) for 30$ I bought the sexy bras- I layered myself in lace and truth be told not necessarily for my husband, but for me.

I promised myself that pregnancy was not going to change me, I would be a sexy pregnant chick.   You would surely see me running in the park with my cute yoga pants and belly button poking out as a signal to the world that, why YES! I AM pregnant..not at all fat just look at me running!
Well. Yeah. I have not run a single day since the first trimester. Once walking up the stairs made me want to just sit down here on this step for a minute, I resolved to just do what I could do. This started happening a lot. Yes I can have this piece of chocolate cake because I really want itI already worked out today. I napped on the couch all day, I napped in my car during my break, I ate hamburgers, steak, meatball sandwiches *still claiming to be a vegetarian* And I never really looked pregnant until maybe the sixth month. I just looked and felt like I just ate too much.

However, it wasn't until this morning that I realized that since November my cute little panties have grown larger and larger. My beautiful lace bras have been tossed aside for neutral stretchy devices that really only manage to lift my boobs OFF OF MY STOMACH.
And the straw that broke the camel's back (or so they say) is when I was doing laundry this morning and failing at balancing the basket on my hip- therefore dumping clothes much like a bread crumb trail to my apartment, AND
Lucky for me, a very nice (very handsome) gentleman just HAPPENED to be behind me- and noticing that I am hugely pregnant began picking up the clothes and handing them to me.
And of course what do you think he was handing to me? Right. Four pairs of the hugest granny panties you have ever seriously my Grandma probably has hotter underwear.
I should have said something cool.. since he looked rather uncomfortable Something like: "You think those are bad? You should see what other magical gifts pregnancy brings! And then I would shake the boat sail that is my underwear to emphasize my point while shouting: You have been LIED TO we don't really like having strings up our asses!! ESPECIALLY IN THE WINTER.
Then I would vanish like a ninja.

But see, I am a MIT (Mother in training) so what I really did was simply thank him and pretended like I was in a rush.

Men have no idea. None.

Thursday, February 26, 2009

**Doing a little wiggle dance***

Good News people, my body is actually planning on letting the baby out. Honestly, go ahead and laugh- but I think subconsciously I was thinking I would hear those dreaded words "nope still closed" for forever right up to when they are tearing her from my body via C section. [Tearing was the only word that I could really use, I mean I don't imagine that they gently lift the child magically out of the womb- it was either tearing or ripping, I chose tearing..I apologize for the visual]

Now I do understand that even tho I am beginning to dilate that I still might go over due and might still need a section blah blahblah blah- but you are missing the point here: My body is starting to let HER OUT! ON its OWN! And this to me is just as amazing as the notion that my body made eyelashes and tiny fingernails without EVER having to consult body rocks.

So as I am sure you could imagine I was (am) on cloud nine this am- managed to get two short workouts in, did a huge load of laundry *All little baby girl clothes* and have basically been sorting and organizing.
I have her bag packed and I keep changing what I am bringing for her- because I am crazy and keep thinking OH MY GOD what if SHE is a could I bring my son home in a pink night gown??? Every time I dream about the baby... its a boy- I think I am just completely neurotic (Yes, keep nodding your head) but gosh that would be kinda sad!!
My husband is getting sick of reminding me that we have seen "HER" at least five ok I am bringing a cute little purple night gown and a green one Justincase. So shoot me people I am a planner.

On a completely different topic cause who really wants to hear me talk baby talk 24/7?

I am really really really sad that Fabio got kicked off Top Chef- and that manwhore of a cheater Hosea won...disgusting. He lost all credibility from me when he was sucking face on national television when he clearly HAD A GIRLFRIEND AT HOME. I will now rename him "TopWhore"

I also find it very funny that he had this to say in response to the "mean" remarks about his actions.
Anyways I will now submerge myself into Real Housewives of New York- which always makes me feel better about myself..:)

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Mommy went overboard with the shopping....

But look at all this stuff~~~!!!

To be fair Auntie Shannon gave me a bag and a box full of baby girl stuff and then got even MORE stuff at the black hole that is the Carter's outlet.

These are some of my favorites:

But really, even tho these are the only ones pictured cause its getting old uploading these this is what my bedroom floor looks like:

Hope you enjoy Ash!

Spring is in the air!

I know this because this morning I woke up to birds chirping! You never know how much you miss that sound until you realize how long its been since you have heard it!
Oh and there is this:

Look close- you can see the GRASS!!! The snow is melting!!! This, along with the fact that the ice of death leading to my car is beginning to melt makes me want to jump up and down and do a little dance. And really who wouldn't want to see me do that. Especially since this morning I realized with slight alarm that my stomach seems to be facing more and more south:

You might not be able to tell- but trust me, the fact that I got up EVERY SINGLE HOUR last night to pee confirms my theory. *But at least I made it to the bathroom this time.... shows progress no?*

This morning after waking in yet another good mood (yesssssss) I decided that it might be a good time to watch Mamma Mia- and truthfully I tried, I really did. And for those of you that know me you know that I am all for breaking into song, and thoroughly dramatic, but I just couldn't watch it without wanting to punch myself in the face. And I am sorry, I know that many many of you enjoyed the movie, but it was a bit much to take early in the morning, with all the hopping and happiness. Maybe it would have been better in the movie theater at a 715 showing with a big bucket of popcorn-
Ah well.

I am off to shop for the baby...lets hope she decides to come out very very soon..but for real this time.


Tuesday, February 24, 2009

.."Tomorrow is a new day"

And a MUCH better day at that. It could have something to do with that fact that my mom came up to see me- two good healthy things stemmed from that 1.It forced me to go out to get a few groceries which in turn motivated me to stop at Starbucks for my famous London Fog Latte *instant good mood*
2.It inspired me to pick up the apartment so that it looked half decent (which is really good cause yesterday as I am doubled over in pain all I could think of is THE PLACE IS NOT READY FOR A BABY TO BE HOME YET!!!)

I also managed to whip up a VERY HEALTHY cheesecake- just to prove how domesticated I am "Look at me I can clean and cook at the same time!" - The cheesecake actually wasn't too bad. Later I think I shall try it with some fruit..

I managed to butcher the whole cutting process- I don't know why, but my mom never EVER messes up cutting through a cake- *She actually had to assist me* I think it must be a mom thing, That and making sandwiches I could do the same EXACT thing but her sandwiches always tasted better.

On a completely different note I thought I might share this: Now I have always wanted to breastfeed, no one really had to twist my arm into doing it. And I plan on giving it my all, I have read the pamphlets, books, magazine articles, ect ect.

Now my Dr's office practically told me that if I did not breastfeed, my child would be uneducated, obese, and or have severe problems- cause yeah those immunities are all solving. But they told me all this after I said "Yes, I am planning on breastfeeding" SO you get the point, on my chart there is a big YES to the big BF
Now the thing that is a tad confusing to me is why do I keep receiving pamphlets about formula from my Doctor's office, sure, I get it they are affiliated with these companies - but as my due date is approaching this is what I now have sitting on my counter:

Along with a complete guide to feeding your child formula. I am confused. There was also in there about formula being "better" because Dad got to bond with baby, and your child will be uneducated, obese, and overall have severe mental issues if the baby does not bond with Daddy.
(Ok, so I made the last part up) but really, come on.

I am no parent expert trust me, but I am pretty confident that things will be much easier if baby and parents are harmonious - which generally revolves around doing what works.

Stepping off soap box now

Monday, February 23, 2009


So guess who was absolutely positive that she was in labor today because OW OW OW OW 8 minutes apart OW.
Guess who was wrong?
Oh yeah that was also me.

Apparently I need to be in much MORE pain -


Oh and yeah just to add some more magic to my hell of a day- I was certain THIS TIME that my water had broken...cause yeah you get the picture...turns out that I did in fact just pee myself....again.


I win hormones

I am having a hormonal day- I guess I am allowed since I am full of estrogen and progesterone and every other mood crazed chemical. But today its been a little tough to function.
The end of pregnancy sucks. No one told me that- or maybe they did, but I wasn't listening. (I do that a lot) I wish I had listened. I also wish I knew that in the last two weeks finding something to cover my stomach would be almost impossible, and trust me- I REFUSE to buy anything. I have three- THREE- shirts that I can get away with all with this one maternity tank top that could possible stretch out all the way to cover my butt. And truth be told I have lived in maternity sweat pants that my mother gave to me for xmas. When I do have to go out I have a pair of jeans that I have worn to death. The actual band is ripped and worn and cut in order for my stomach to have room. (I wont be sad when I throw them out)

I have also been getting lots of questions about pregnancy cravings..and what I want to eat- truthfully these are my staples:

I literally could eat the cereal for breakfast lunch and dinner, V8 Fusion..well yeah who doesn't like fruits and veggies in a delicious drink? The Granola bars are just amazing. Not pictured? Decaff Dunkin Donuts coffee, and WATER lots and lots and lots of water...there you go nothing too drastic.


I knew today was going to be rough when I woke up super early because I not only needed to EAT but I also needed to CRY. Have you ever woken up because you had to CRY in order to actually think straight?
I really have a problem with crying for no reason So instead of giving in I threw on some workout clothes and headed to the gym..50 min later I only felt tired.

So here I am: Emotional, exhausted, angry and feeling defeated.

I give hormones, you win.

On a happier note:
I stepped on a glass frame bare foot this morning and escaped unharmed +1

Sunday, February 22, 2009

OH what a night....

So yesterday I caught up with a very old friend (by old I mean that I have known her since the first grade which is what 18 years?) *Woah* She has a beautiful five year old son which in case you were wondering is just a mere two years younger then we were when we first met...(When did we become adults?)The thing about this friend tho is that whenever we are together weird random things always seem to happen- these are just a few examples that happened last night: When she finally receives her room key we hoard ourselves into the elevator and race down the hall to the room (well they ran..I more waddled) only to find two lovely people already settled into said room. Woops- good thing we didn't walk into anything awkward, cause there is nothing like a five year old bursting into your hotel room to ruin the mood.

So down the elevator we go- *have I mentioned how much I really really do not like elevators?*
The very apologetic staff offered up a free breakfast and the pass to the "Executive Floor" which by the way in case you ever need to get to that floor (floor 7) YOU HAVE TO SWIPE YOUR ROOM KEY IN THE ELEVATOR BECAUSE YOU ARE VERY IMPORTANT AND ONLY YOU WITH THE KEY CAN GO TO THAT FLOOR EVERYONE ELSE CANT GO TO THAT FLOOR CAUSE THEY ARE LESS IMPORTANT THEN YOU.

so yeah it only took us 15 minutes to figure out how to get to the floor.

The 7th floor is no joke by the way- the room came with both a phone and TV in the BATHROOM- because yeah..that's where most business gets taken care of.. and they say people cant multi task anymore...

So at this point we are loving the 7th floor, the view, the room, the fact that there is bottled water and ice already provided for us - And then there was the fire alarm ...which is more like a fire siren wailing in the hallway- so we did the dumbass thing for a while - which is to hang our heads out of the room waiting to see what everyone ELSE is doing.
Everyone else was walking down 7 flights of stairs.....
stupid 7th floor

Turns out it was a good thing we went outside cause there generally seemed to be an issue:

Never a dull moment with us I tell you!

We did actually have a fabulous time..and really this stuff always seems to happen to me wherever I go.

In baby news last night I woke up around 2am dreaming about a boa constrictor "hugging" me...holy contractions...but you guessed it- they stopped.
But maybe I am just suppose to slowly get used to this whole baby thing before she appears. Case in point: yesterday I tried to get into the wrong car because MY ACTUAL car had a car seat base in the back seat...and I don't have a baby?

Oh boy

Saturday, February 21, 2009

...Ok it has to be said

I love my friends. I do. Honestly. But there are a few out there that do not understand that obsessively calling, texting and posting on my facebook wall questions such as..."is she out yet?" "Did you have the baby yet?" Or my personal favorite.."How much longer?" make me want to not only kill you but pull the covers over my head and cry.
People. I am not overdue I still have two more weeks until my due date. AND trust me if I do go over my due date the very last thing in the world I want to be asked is if she is out yet.

As everyone knows I am certainly ready to have the baby- HOWEVER she is not ready yet ...she will come out when she damn well pleases - and I know this cause its exactly what I would do.

So now that we have that all cleared up I must tell you about my new love:

The London Fog latte from Starbucks- its so good that I was totally convinced that it must be terrible for me. Turns out that since I get it with skim milk and unsweetened its basically black tea and foamed milk- Delicious. I imagine its like crack.

Damn you Starbucks

Friday, February 20, 2009

...2 In one day??? I must be bored

However you would be wrong...I not bored I am in fact full of interesting things to report like for example my awesome Dentist experience...first let me say this..its been a long long long (should I keep with the longs..or do you get the picture?) time since I have sat my ass in the dentist chair and willingly let a masked lady poke and prod my mouth till I am spitting blood into the worlds smallest wet vac...I hate the dentist and I get this from my Dad...however I digress. I did go last year kicking and screaming to have them rip my wisdom teeth husband finally was tired of me chewing really really slow, not cause of the hugely infected impacted wisdom tooth..but because you really should chew your food 30 times before swallowing..
To be fair it was not as awful as I had pictured- they put me out..and whew how I wish that they could give me some of that stuff for childbirth! And after everything was said and done..I told the oral surgeon that I was in love with him..clumsily fell out of the chair into my husbands waiting hands...and was put to bed for the rest of the day.
..the only problem with that experience was that I got dry socket..and um yeah...if you have ever had this you know what I am talking about. Vicodin doesn't take the edge of that- so ANYWAYS I am truly getting to my point here...about three days ago I had a lot of "sensitivity" in my gum line..I ignored it..and ignored it...ignore ignore the point where I am outside and the COLD is hurting my tooth- uh o. Even I know that Weather should not make the inside of your mouth uncomfortable. So I reluctantly made an appointment....and dragged myself there today-
and it turns out?? That the pain is simply pregnancy related...turns out that hormones have other special gifts to give besides making me a raging psycho...they also cause "gum sensitivity" so that's it...gums hurt cause of baby (thanks baby)+1 for mom for not having a cavity!
And as I was leaving (bolting) the nice Dr encouraged me to set up regular appointments after baby arrives...and for me to not forget to start early with my baby's oral hygiene....
ouch. Dr 1 me 0

Patiently waiting...

So, I am not good at waiting. I have NEVER been good at being sitting here on my maternity leave FINALLY feeling better I am going crazy. I am trying to distract myself with books, movies, yoga and going to the gym..but everyday the baby seems more and more content staying in. I guess in some ways I go back and forth between wanting her out and keeping her in, I realize that when she comes out I am in for a rude awakening....however, enough is enough already!
We had a rough two weeks, my husband's cousin was tragically killed in Iraq so for the past two weeks we have been waiting for the body to return to the states and to finally have the funeral (which was yesterday)
It was very strange to be sitting in a church mourning a life that ended too young and to feel my daughter twisting and wiggling to the music...
Having a child I think is probably the most terrifying thing a person can do...I am afraid of how much I love her already...I cant imagine how I will feel when she is here.
...and with that I am off to walk walk walk