Thursday, January 29, 2015

Messy January

Being present has followed me into January. Normally I would be anxious to slough off this month like dead skin, stripping of the resolutions and the turbulent commotion of the outside world.

I work in an resolution industry. We are constantly moving forward towards an end goal. Change with me, change faster, "I want immediate results!"
They all want it to happen yesterday.

That's why most, if not all quit by March.

I am content with the disarray of emotions. Able to disconnect from people- Center myself, and be alone with my calmness.

I don't mind January too much this year, I have been able to treat each day like what it is: 24 hours.

When we practice detachment life becomes so much easier. Goals are just goals, not life or death. So many people ramp up for the new year, begin running a marathon instead of learning to walk, and end up falling.
I almost typed (failing) but you only fail if you give up.

February holds chocolate and sticky sugar laced fingers. Valentine's day projects, gourmet meals, suddenly the resolve to "be better" seems less and less important.

I like the next month, I love new beginnings. A new start. A hot shower after a long day.
Although I am content to hang out here in January, I have learned a lot this month, about myself, my kids, specifically what I need to let go of.
We all need to let go of something, perhaps everything.
So we can receive it all.

So Far I have stuck to my new year resolution. I have continued eating a plant based vegan diet, with the exception of a few hiccups. I have done yoga every single day, and actually crave it -if it has been too long.
Although I set out to accomplish this "goal" and way of life, I am not attached to this year long adventure, just to the day.
 Just one day at a time.

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Tuesday, January 27, 2015

Cold Cold go away

This was the sunrise this morning. Although it was cold, my morning was not filled with snow. Unlike so many of my Boston friends.
For that I am grateful.

Germs have run crazy throughout my house since November. I am so over sickness in any form.
We are due for some good luck around here.

Thankfully I have been taking really good care of myself so the cold is sitting, just waiting for me to succumb to it.
Which I REFUSE, are you listening cold? Go find someone else's immune system.

Went to my amazing friend's house today and grabbed some oil mixtures. Breathe, Recovery, and Fight. Happy to report an hour after rubbing this on Sophia's chest she perked right up.
Fever went down, and she started eating again.

Disinfected my entire house, made some soup and drinking immune boosting tea.
Just watch....I will kick this, wont even give it a chance!

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Wednesday, January 21, 2015

Just fall forward.

Dear Dad,
Remember that summer you taught me to dive? Perched on the edge of the dock, you held on to the side coaching. Diving took up most of that day, it wasn't until the sun was setting that I set out to accomplish the task.

"Just fall forward, lean way forward and let go."

You made it look so easy. The jumping out into the nothingness, gently arching and entering the water without so much as a splash.
You were always a pro at letting go.
If you were alive right now we would talk about what it was like for you when you let go for the last time. You would know without a word that I would want to know every single detail.

Remember how difficult it was for me? You wouldn't let up.
Then it happened, I let go and slipped into the cold water, seamlessly. I let gravity take me down to the ocean floor relishing in moment of complete weightlessness.
The momentum flipped me forward into a complete somersault and I popped back to the surface, elated.
You helped me with that fear and countless others.
Years after that I became a lifeguard and taught other kids how to dive, and showed off running off the dock, dismounting into a perfect dive, timing it just right so I dove under the buoy.
You gave me that confidence.
I took it with me every where I went.

I am OK. I am breathing and I think I am even happy. I just wonder what you would say to me now. If I laid out all my fears and problems, what would you say?

"Let go. Lean way forward and let go...I got you."

And without a word I would know it to be true.
I miss you.

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