Monday, November 24, 2014

Marvelous Monday favorites....and Christmas came early!

So I accidentally opened my Christmas present on Friday. To be fair, J should know that I am more impatient then the children, and when I see pink, something snaps in my brain, and I must tear into it like a rabid monkey.
Imagine my surprise when I saw a tiny tablet -a fire HD6  to be exact. Also known as: Christmas came early mo foes.
(correct spelling blogger, shut up)

J immediately put all my favorite books on it, and I took that as permission to disappear for a while.

 Shop Amazon - Introducing Fire HD 6 - The Most Powerful Tablet Under $100

^^^ Click the link to find out more information about it. Tablet is under 100$ and I personally like it because I can toss it into my small bag. Its extremely durable and stupid easy to use...and mine is pink, which is basically winning at life.
(It comes in different colors, to be fair) 

J and I also decided that we are getting the girls Christmas presents exclusively from Amazon.

  1. We can shop in our pajamas
  2. No back sweat
  3. No holding shit
  4. No lines
  5. No public bathrooms

 Plus when we go we always without fail end up spending 90% more than what we had originally planned. I see sparkles and suddenly am so distracted that I buy twenty seven lip glosses- and J is so over shopping that he just buys whatever I put in the basket in the interest of getting the hell out of the store.

So we have decided on getting the girls each their own child tablet. Because they are constantly fighting over the one we have-and the child version is ahhhhmazing.

Shop Amazon - Introducing Fire HD Kids Edition - Everything Kids Love. Everything Parents Want.

Go ahead and judge us. I'm good with that. ^^^ and you can totally hate me for posting commercial like links in here and thinking I am tricking you into it, HOWEVER I like this stuff and I believe in it. I also am purchasing it. And you should too- cause we can probably have a real life adult conversation while our kids learn shit on their new tablets.
High five!
While we are at it- who wants to have a book club with me? Anyone??

Books I am obsessed with and you should be too:

I am currently reading all three of these. At once. 
I'm talented.

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Sunday, November 23, 2014

As I tuck you both in your beds tonight...

May they always be passionate and sweet, may they fight fiercely for each other and for whatever they come to believe to be true.

May they be driven and dedicated, easy to trust and never settle for an after thought or second chair.

May they laugh till their sides ache and seek out hills to roll down.

May they never stop dreaming, or consider their dreams too far fetched or unrealistic.
May they turn a deaf ear to the demon that will lurk one day convincing them that they are "unworthy" or "ugly" - may they scoff at the mere thought of being "inadequate" -for they just know they are magnificent.

May they stay away from black lipstick....and boys in skinny jeans.

May education come easily to both of them, never threatening or cautionary. May they understand the importance of relishing in the weird and misunderstood. May they find a geek/nerd/oddball/straight theater guy/ (the last one if not straight will undoubtedly break their hearts ABORT ABORT) to hold hands and be eccentric with.

May they never be afraid to sit at the lunch table alone.

May they love passionately and fearlessly and realize that everything does not have to be perfect.
Like 5% of the population end up marrying their first love. For real. Even if in the moment it's hard to fathom.
May they value their virginity.
May they find a man that values their relationship with their father, and respects it.

May they never fear loss. May they understand that death is a part of life and doing so continues the cycle. Dear God, may they experience loss at an age in which it is inevitable and expected..

May they call each other for help and get matching tattoos. (In a place where it can easily be hidden and actually maybe don't do that...get something less permanent  no seriously.. I know you know about the paw prints..ahem)

Dear God may they understand that no matter how hard we try, we actually cannot stay eighteen forever and will eventually grow up and have real life responsibilities.

Dear God, may they do something they love- a leader or a follower whichever keeps them smiling with ease.

May they know how to say they are sorry, genuinely. May they be quick to forgive and slow to anger.

May they always know how much they are loved and wanted.


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Saturday, November 22, 2014

A condition of being present

Sometimes life is grimy. Like that sticky stuff left over from trampled gum. It stays around for a while, collecting dust and cat hair and flecks of dirt.
I place value on appearing to be put together.

When I fall, and I always fall, I realize that the beauty of my situation is that I am, in fact sloppy and without grace.

The magic is in the uncertainty of a situation. Knowing that although I am the person in the driver seat of my life, it is totally ok to wreck the car once in a while.

I am imperfect. Stripping of that layer is ridiculously freeing- like why didn't I think of this before?

I can let go. I don't have to be angry. I, in fact, do not have to apologize for falling apart in the process, nor do I have to engage If I don't want to.
And most of the time, as of late, I just really don't want to.

I am so grateful for those that are patient with me. Handling me with kid gloves, recognizing that some days are just fucking awful.

The days where I am re living and forgiving- and re living some more, all the while trying to find the right words.

The magic is in the uncertainty of a situation.

There are no rules, or chapters, notes or sidebars. This is just me being tired of the mediocracy of "pretending to be fine."

I took pictures of the girls yesterday. Dressed them in crimson dresses that reminded me of my Samantha doll's Christmas dress, with its rough taffeta layers. A moment passed as I watched them scamper up the hill- and I thought, I am grown up. This is real life. When did this happen?

Its time for me to start forgiving and moving on with my life. Dumping trash where it belongs and untangling grief's boney fingers from around my neck.

A very good friend of mine told me to look at my girls every time I feel like a failure. Look at them and participate.
I spend so much of my life on the sidelines letting my emotions call the shots.
Too much chaos - She's in my seat! She stole that! MOM!!!!!!
And sometimes you just want to crawl into a drawer and be put away for a little bit. After a while a little bit turns into a lot- and missing stuff is a thing.
As I work on my health every day- keeping my focus is vital. I choose to look at what I have accomplished thus far, even if I have to admit that most of the time I was (and am still) white knuckling it.


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